f l o o d

Social Retard

i'm feeling a bit down. don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things about biola that i love, and i've met some cool people, but i'm starting to tire of all this socializing stuff. they've kept us pretty busy with orientation and social events, and i'm cool with meeting people and all that, but it's really wearing me down. i'm not good at this stuff and it really doesn't come easily to me. it takes a lot of effort on my part to talk to people i don't know and i often feel like i'm pretending to be someone i'm not to get through it all. like i'm an actor playing a part and it's not really me in this situation, it's some character i'm playing. today we had a big hang out thing for the transfers, and i wound up there not really knowing anybody. i'm ok one-on-one or in a small group, but when i'm in a large group of people and i don't know anyone, i just don't know how to handle myself. luckily, my parents, shirley, and kyle came down that afternoon so i had an excuse to skip out early. i'm also a little dissapointed in the fact that a lot of the students here don't seem to be very serious spiritually. i know that's to be expected as people come from different social and spiritual backgrounds, but it's a little sad when so many people at this great christian school don't seem all that much different from the people i've met at the secular schools i've been to. i guess i can't really make these judgments since i haven't known any of these people for very long, but i'm starting to feel very tired. and when i'm tired i'm moody and anti-social. hopefully things will settle down soon and i'll meet some people that i'm really comfortable with. it's just tough for me. i'm such a social retard when i'm not around people i'm comfortable with.

on a brighter note, it seems every sunday night they have worship service here on campus which they call singspiration, or "singspo" for short. i went tonight, and even though i was by myself in a room full of strangers, i totally got into it. i think i was the only one jumping around and dancing there, but it was great. i may be socially inept, but in worship i truly find myself. i think i'm gonna like being at a place where there's a rockin' worship night every week.