f l o o d

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...

i've realized that i'm much too serious in this blog. it's always socio-political issues or parental problems. you never see the softer, gentler side of ben lurking within this hardened exterior.

with that in mind...

if you visit online forums regularly, you've probably seen this before. but i just wanted to put it here, because...well...i dunno. it's funny. it comes from a japanese website which has become somewhat of a cult favorite. the rabbit's owner has been posting pictures of it for years, and people were strangely drawn to the rabbit with stuff on its head. it was even featured in the new york times. sadly, oolong the rabbit passed away this january at the age of 8, but his legacy lives on.

so, my job interview was today. i think it went alright. i didn't make a fool of myself or anything, at least i don't think i did. they asked questions like "why do you want to work here?" and "what are your strengths and weaknesses?" i thought my answers were pretty thoughtful and informative. and no, i didn't list my hair as one of my weaknesses. though maybe i should have. it might have been funny. and a little humor never hurt. i was fairly nervous though, since i've never done a job interview before. so there were some things i forgot to say that probably would have been very helpful. i think my biggest disadvantage in applying for this job is the fact that my mom has worked there for so long. you might think that that's an advantage for me, but i could tell that they still looked upon me as "sandy's son," and it would take some effort on their part to see me as a serious applicant. there are a couple other things i've got going against me too, first, my lack of experience, and second, there are only 3 openings and they're more inclined to hire from within. you see, the openings are for "coded pages" which are hired by the county. the library itself hires "extra helps," which gets less pay and no benefits. some of the extra help are applying for these coded page jobs, and of course, the they get more consideration than outsiders like me. but despite these things, i don't think i did or said anything today to hurt my chances, and i don't think i'm out of it yet.

here's something interesting i found online:

The Meatrix

it's a flash animation parody of the matrix centered around the topic of factory farming. now, i'm not a tree huggin hippie by any means, and i love meat (oh boy do i love meat), but the site brings up some interesting issues. we really never think about where our food comes from. and even if you don't care at all about the issue, the animation itself is pretty darn entertaining.

song of the day:

deliver me out of the sadness
deliver me from all of the madness
deliver me courage to guide me
deliver me Your strength inside me

come and pull me through

~"deliver me" david crowder band

ahh...what a great song. i love how they work the chorus of the hymn "'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" in there. i listened to this song over and over again in the car today. i should work it into our jeb fisher band practices.

ok, here's the end of my post without any politically controversial or angst-ridden topics...and boy is it boring. i bet this post gets no responses whatsoever. well, that's it kiddies. tune in tomorrow (or whenever) for another episode of the partridge family...uh...i mean, my blog.

Not Normal

this entire post is dedicated to the strangeness of jon yip.

this is his away message as i type this:

laundry, laundry, saaayy that you'll laundry
fold me, fold me, go on and fold me

LAUNDRY LAUNDRY SAAAY THAT YOU'LL LAUNDRY
FOLD ME FOLD ME GO ON AND FOLD ME
I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT YOOOUUU

riiiiight. you're swell jon. just swell.

nothing else i feel like talking about. my job interview is tomorrow. i'm not cutting my hair. the end.

[CENSORED]

just when i think things are going alright at home, something's gotta come up that pisses me off. dammit.

the problem this time? my hair. of all the freaking stupid things in the world to argue about, somehow my hair has become a huge problem. here's the deal: i got a job interview at the milpitas library. i got the interview because i placed well on the test they make page applicants take. the fact that my mom worked there probably helped a little too. anyways, my parents want me to get a haircut for the interview (which is on thursday). a while back i was already set on cutting my hair if i got a job interview, but i kinda like my hair the way it is right now, and i don't want to wait a long time to grow it back again. i understand that first impressions are important, and that some people don't like my hair. but i believe that i am a polite, well spoken, and intelligent individual. i believe i can overcome any initial perception of me through me responses to the interview questions, and that if i'm not hired it will be because someone was more qualified for the position. maybe i'm just idealistic, but i don't care. but does my dad understand this? no, of course not. he is adamant about me cutting my hair. his position is that my hair makes me look like a slacker or a gangster and there is no way i will be hired becaue of it. well of course we can't have a calm civilized discussion of this; that's not how we work. my dad's gotta scream and shout and throw a ridiculous tantrum. he takes it as a personal attack when i don't bend to his every whim. well, screw that! i admit i'm not the best son sometimes, but i take a lot of crap from him. i have submitted to his authority in many situations. i keep control of how often i go out and my involvement in certain things because i know he disapproves. i constantly worry about doing something that will bother him. i live under his restrictions and i don't complain about them, but i draw the line when he tries to control my appearence. if i want my hair a certain way, isn't that my choice? who does he think he is to think that i need to obey every thing he wants just because he wants it?! i've come to the conclusion that my dad is a real pathological control freak. he needs to have complete control over his situation, his environment, and his family. i'm willing to take a lot, but enough is enough. i love and respect my dad for many things, but sometimes i just can't stand him. maybe wanting me to cut my hair is for my own good, but dammit, it's my hair, it's my choice, and the consequences are mine to bear.

i can't believe the state of my hair has turned into such a big freakin' deal. what a load of crap.

and i'm finding it almost amusing that i'm using these replacement words like "freakin'" and "crap" when i type. i'm sure not using them in my head.

maybe i shouldn't even post this. i'm saying things in anger that i probably shouldnt be posting up for everyone to read. ah screw it. that's what venting's all about anyways.

Part of the Disease

behold, my children and rejoice! i have returned to restore the light and joy to your dull, meaningless lives!

*ahem* sorry...got a little carried away there. but yeah, here's a new post for any of you who decided to stick around through my little sabbatical.

so let's see...do you guys wanna hear everything that's gone on in the last week? yes? well too bad cuz i'm not gonna write about it. and i'm not gonna do my anti-corporate/media rant (hey...stop that cheering!).

i was late for church yesterday. somehow i slept right through my alarm, which is strange because i'm a pretty light sleeper and any little sound will wake me up. guess i must have been really pooped. so i missed most of worship, but i got there in time to catch the end of the last song, "God of Hope" by charlie hall. what a great song. it's a song that i was set on doing if i ever led worship again. but who knows when that'll be so i'm glad someone else introduced it to our congregation. ralph's sermon was really amazing. one of the best i've ever heard him preach. he spoke on the Armor of God (Eph 6), something i've heard dozens of sermons on before. to be honest, ralph didn't say a whole lot i hadn't heard before, but the message hit me on a different level this time. what made it so meaningful for me was that it gave me a new revelation into where i am now and where i've been this past year.

when i look at my spiritual state as the Armor of God, i could better understand my own struggles. to put it simply, i dropped my sword. and with no way to fight back against the enemy, my shield of faith was being weakened under the relentless assault of satan's firey arrows. and it all snowballed from there. i could see how satan struck at my faith and my righteousness. i became so beaten and battered i lost even the will to pick up my sword and fight again. and i guess that brings me to where i am now. a broken warrior, swordless, shield cracked, and armor battered. but all is not lost. when all this was being revealed to me, i also saw hope, because now i am among other warriors who can raise their shields around me to cover me while i re-equip myself. that is what being back at ROL means for me. having people who care about my spiritual well being and keep me accountable. it's good to be home, and i am so grateful to all of you who are here to watch my back. it hasn't been easy for. there's still something in me that struggles against getting myself right with God again. but the helmet of salvation is still upon my head and the belt of truth is buckled tightly around my waist. though i am not equipped for battle, i know who i am and i know with whom the answers lie. it may take time, but i will be back in the battle someday.

sometimes i don't understand myself. i feel like i've still got so much truth within me. so much that God has revealed to me and that i know from having been in the church my whole life, but living it has become so difficult. i'm tired of being a hypocrite, projecting a certain image of myself on sundays while not actively seeking God the rest of the week. i'm struggling and fighting with this, but maybe the answer is to just stop fighting, and turn back to the Grace that has brought me this far. if only i knew how to do that. it is strange though how even in my current state i still experince a sense of righteous indignation (uhh...maybe that's not the right term to use) regarding the church and spiritual things. perhaps it's because of all the things i've been taught over the years, particularly growing up in a baptist church. but i see so many of the youth at ROL now who seem to completely lack respect and decorum, especially when it comes to behavior at church. i do like the casual atmosphere we've established, and i know that it is difficult to hold the attention of young people for extended periods of time, but the gall of some of these kids shocks me. the other week there were two kids playing with their cell phones during the sermon. maybe this doesn't seem so bad, but they were sitting in the front row! right in front of ralph! that's appalling! if you don't want to listen, heck, we can't stop you. i know that i've spent plenty of time sitting bored in church watching the clock. but man, i'd be embarassed if i knew that the pastor could clearly see that i didn't give a crap about what he is saying. i don't mean to rag on these kids, but geez...i hope this doesn't continue. eventually i quietly asked both of the kids to stop playing with their phones, explaining that it was disrespectful to ralph and disruptive to others, and i think they understood. or at least they were embarassed enough that someone called them on their screwing around that they stopped.

i dunno, maybe this upcoming retreat will be something good for the youth. or at least be the start of something. i know a lot of people believe that it will be. i really want to go now. i mean, i did before, but after seeing the list of people signed up for the retreat...wow...its huge. i-ting is gonna be there! she like, totally disappeared for years and poof! she's there. maybe the fact that steve liu is gonna be there has something to do with it, but we haven't seen him for a long time either. i believe the last count was over 140 people, including people from daughter churches and fly young and stuff. i can't believe that all these people would gather and God would not use this to do something. give a spark, a breaking, anything. a guy named roger from the chinese congregation is on a 21 day partial fast praying for this retreat. this is gonna be good.

alas...i will not be there.

ok, this post is pretty long already and i'm getting tired, but i can't pass up the oppurtunity for a bit of ranting. we talked about homosexuality in the media in class today. now i know that i come off as liberal in most of my rants, but let it be known that i am unwavering in my belief that homosexuality is a sin. but i learned of something in class today that sickened me. most of us have heard of matthew shepard, the gay wyoming college student who was beaten, stripped, hung up on a fence crucifiction style, and left to die in the snow. while this tragic story was widely reported, we did not hear about an incident that followed. a reverend from wyoming set up a monument to matthew shepard after his death; an eternal flame with a counter marking off the days since his death. was this to commemorate his life or even to mourn his tragic death? no. the reverend put it there to count the days shepard's "perverted soul has been burning in hell." i can't believe this. this is why christians are considered hateful, intolerant people. these people make me sick! who the hell gives some christians the right to proclaim that God hates anyone?! God abhors sin, but loves all people. if these people are considered christian, then i don't want to be called christian anymore. imagine celebrating the eternal damnation of a soul! we should mourn and weep for every lost soul. why christians condemn homosexuals in this way is beyond me. if i lust after a woman, i am as guilty of perverted sexual sin as any homosexual. and yet we've ostracized these people and put them on some sin pedestal.

*sigh* how have we strayed so far from love and mercy?

ok, this post was kinda all over the place. went from the Armor of God to homosexuality. guess i just had a lot to get out of my system. alrighty, i guess that's enough until i update again next year. ehhh...just kidding. won't be more than a couple of months. promise.

if youre wondering what the relevance of this post's title is, there isn't really any. it's a lyric from a coldplay song: "am i part of the cure, or am i part of the disease?" it came to mind when i was thinking about ralph's sermon because he's been preaching on how we are either fighting for the kingdom of God, or enslaved by the kingdom of this world. good stuff.

Break the Silence

ok, so i haven't posted in a while. the early blog buzz kinda wore off and i've been too lazy and uninspired to update this blog, but i will soon, i promise.

just not tonight.

Mmmm...Bullets

matrix:revolutions today. i must say, i was pleasantly surprised. the reviews were not good, but i thoroughly enjoyed the movie. the sequels have had a lot to live up to. the first matrix was a revolutionary action film that blew us all away. i knew that reloaded and revolutions wouldn't have the same innovative pop as the originals, and wasn't expecting them to completely revamp the genre again. revolutions did a good job of completing the storyline established by reloaded. if you didn't like reloaded, think of it as a setup film for revolutions. it all flows together. and there's less philosophy in this one, though i didn't think the notions of causality and free will were all that complicated in reloaded. i don't know why people got their knickers all in a twist over the philosophical concepts.

i thought the action sequences in revolutions were pretty swell too. this movie went beyond the in-matrix bullet time, turning camera gimmicks (which were cool thew first time around) and had a lot of action based in the "real" world. big robot exoskeletons and bullets. lots of bullets. the big fight between neo and agent smith was fun, but a little heavy on the special effects, to the point of looking rather fake at times. i'm trying not to give too much away for those of you who haven't seen the movie yet, but i enjoyed how they ended the movie. i think they deliberately left it open-ended (is that saying too much?) in order to allow for future creative continutation of the matrix universe. i'm not saying that there are gonna be more movies, but i can see the matrix becoming sort of like star wars, with future stories and such coming in the form of books, comics, etc. i think it all makes sense when you take a look at the wachoski brothers and their influences. they are complete sci-fi/anime/comic book geeks. the story, design, and overall feel of the matrix trilogy is derived from those sources.

after the movie we went to denny's for dinner. it was odd and fun, as our food outings usually are. somehow i managed to bring up the topic of the united states' food wasting practices during dinner (always gotta get my rants in their somehow). by food wasting practices i don't mean the food that we as individuals throw away and don't eat. the U.S. itself actually throws away tons of food every year. it's because we have a huge surplus of corn, thanks to the nixon administration's reversal of previous corn production and purchasing policies. so now the U.S. buys all the corn farmers produce instead of limiting the purchases by year, so we have huge surpluses. the corn goes to feeding cows, so we have beef surpluses too. this is how we're able to superdupersize our cokes (which is all CORN syrup) and get mondo burgers for mere pennies, which is making the united states a grossly overweight nation (read fast food nation if you get a chance). so next time someone tells you there aren't enough resources to feed the poor all over the world, tell them that the U.S. alone produces enough food to feed every person on earth. we'd just rather throw it away then give it away.

i took this test which i found on jon's blog, which he got from howard's blog. this is what it told me about myself based on the dewey color system:

You're a Pioneer
You think about why people do what they do. By understanding the motivation of others, you seek to create a better world. Changing the world around you through personal achievements is your everyday challenge.

The emotional you avoids asking what's missing. Novel adventures seem to appear. Honor your forbidden thoughts. They are merely signposts to exciting new paths you need to follow.

hmm...nah.

From the Ears to the Heart

i was gonna talk about this at the end of my next ranting post (which i haven't written out yet, but it's all in my head), but i figure that no one would actually read my rants all the way to the end, so i'll make a separate post.

i got three new cd's in the mail these last couple of days (hooray for christianbook.com and half.com): porch and alter by charlie hall, the beautiful letdown by switchfoot, and illuminate by david crowder band. here are my impressions:

not much to say about the switchfoot cd. everyone's heard the singles off the album by now. theyre consistently pretty darn awesome.

charlie hall has moved right up to the top of my list as one of the best modern worship leaders of today. right up there with the matt redmans and delirious's out there. the amazing depth and passion of his lyrics coupled with the musical ability and innovation of his band are a wonderful combination. as some of you may know, i haven't been so well off spiritually recently. i feel as though there is a wall in my heart and mind blocking me off from being able to really experience God. my experiences in worship and at church lately have been kinda...dulled, i guess is the only way to explain it. like a muted facsimile of the glory i had experienced in the past. it's not that the church has dulled, but my heart has. anyways, i got this cd because we've been doing "holy visitation" and "once for all" in our (jeb fisher band) practices, and theyre great songs. so i was driving to class this morning, listening to this album, and "god of hope" starts playing. i nearly started bawling right there in my car. it seems God can still reach me sometimes when i let my guard down.

though You slay me i will hope
hope inspires my endurance
Your hope is my anchor
God of Hope fill me

illuminate is sick. just plain siiiick. musically, david crowder band blows away just about any other worship band out there. theyre willing to experiment and take risks in ways that no one else even comes close to. and they do it without compromising the spiritual grace of their lyrics. they even do revamped version of some older songs, like st. francis of assisi's hymn "all creatures of our God and King," (which they did a version of on their first album as well). these guys are so frickin' awesome. you may have noticed that i have a link to dcb's website in my links section. i didn't put that link their just because i like the band. it's actually a hilarious site. the guy's are really odd and interesting. they do regular humurous news posts and have very fun bios. they also have lyrics and chords for all of their songs on the site, which is much appreciated by musicians like yours truly. anyways, i wanted to share with you something from the website that i came across today and found particularly side-splitting. mike hogan, the violinist/dj for the band uses his bio space to answer fan questions. here is an excerpt from a recent question:

who would you rather go on a date with and why... britney spears,
christina aguilara, avril lavigne, pink, or mandy moore?

Amazing question! Lets do this! First and foremost, lets get a couple of things straight. I am engaged, so I will now and forever prefer to go on a date with my future wife. So, now that that is out in the open, lets discuss the pop stars, shall we? Pink is out from the start because she scares me. Avril also has to go because I’m way too old. Now, if I were about 7 years younger, who knows? It would be tempting to go out with Britney, but she seems to be having something of an identity crises these days. Is she a good girl, or a bad girl? Is she a girl at all, or she a woman? Does she party a lot, or is still a squeaky clean mouseketeer? I don’t know, and don’t really care. She’s off the list. Which leaves us with Christina and Mandy. I like the fact that Christina is staying true to what she says is herself, and has attempted to make grown up, personal music to match. And lets face it, she can actually sing. Good for her, but I got to kick her off the list for the simple fact that she is Christina Aguilara, and I don’t think my mom would approve. So Mandy Moore is the big winner. I really don’t know a thing about her, but she seems like a nice person. There you have it.

bwahahaha! "pink is out from the start because she scares me." ohh...too funny.

and i found that i broke my riaa boycott to buy these cd's. from what i had seen before, i thought that these bands were all on independent christian labels (all three are with sparrow records), but i saw on the cd cases that switchfoot is distributed by columbia, and david crowder band by emi. ah well. they're worth abandoning my moral outrage for. even though the artists themselves are only getting pennies per cd and the record companies are getting rich off of them. but that's for another rant. speaking of which, the long awaited (yeah, right) "merchants of cool" anti-corporate rant is coming soon. stay tuned. same bat time, same bat channel.

Foreshadowing

prepare for major rant-age tonight. we're watching and discussing merchants of cool in my media class tonight. i'm sure it'll get me nice and fired up.

down with mass media! down with pop culture!

*cough* am i starting to sound like a broken record?

[edit]
i've been at school all day so i'm too lazy to post now. i'll rant about this another day. in the meantime...here's your homework: go to the site above and watch the show, and read all the articles and interviews. ok, so maybe you don't have to do all that, but i highly recommend checking out the site and watching the show if you have the time and the bandwidth. it's really great stuff.

Rise and Shine

don't you love waking up to the sound of arguing?

...makes you want to not get out of bed at all.