ling leung (streams of healing) conference this weekend was...good. i guess. actually, the conference itself was just good, not mind-blowing, but it's beginning to look better and better every moment.
i really felt blocked off during the conference. i mean, it was fun. hanging out with people was good and the music was good and A.J. was wonderful and Mike Conell was great (though kinda scary). when he's speaking you're always afraid that he might suddenly pull you out of your seat and reveal all your secrets to the whole congregation, and he did do that quite a bit. well, not the secret-revealing part, but the pulling people out part. it's quite amazing how right smack on he is with his prophecy. like, creepy accurate. A.J. Mallett was awesome, she's got this great dry, sarcastic sense of humor that i really enjoy and she quite odd. But she is truly a woman of God and the way she's so open and personal brings real depth to her message. she's had a truly painful, but amazing life that's been redeemed by God.
it was really cool hanging out with christina again too. it seems whenever she comes down for these conferences and things we seem to hang out a lot. we got to talking about some of the things she's been going through with relationships and parents and all that, and i discovered a few things. we were discussing some of this stuff with leedah, and leedah's got that prophet heart where it's all TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH! he really gets in there and makes you uncomfortable, but in a good way i guess. and then christina and i were talking about it more and i seem to be the type that really empathizes. i'm the one who knows where you're coming from and shares in your feelings and really listens, but i really don't have the answers and i just kinda depress you even more. then we were talking with jonny, and he's got the amazing ability to make you feel better. he gives you answers and comfort and happy feelings. so i came to the conclusion that we all need to have a leedah at our left and a jonny at our right. one to ask the hard questions, and one to give the good answers. me, i'm just useless i guess. i think christina will be alright though, but i pray that she will find her answers in God instead of having to learn the hard way, because it would break my heart to see that.
anyways, back to the conference. so the stuff going on at the conference is all well and good, but i'm feeling blocked off and hardened the whole time. and i guess i've been feeling blocked off for a long time. i know that it's not about the feelings and getting knocked over and going nutty and all that, but it's been a long time since i've just been blasted by the spirit. i'm kinda sick of feeling like some emotionless robot. but i kinda went through the motions, and i did enjoy myself. but today i was talking to shirley online, and really we were on the topic of some of the stuff going on with school and my family, but God really just started to show me that He was talking to me throughout the conference, and things just started to dawn on me. i guess i'll just post the whole conversation.
naziriteSOG: but i know that this school stuff is only one of the issues i need to deal with
naziriteSOG: and while it is important
naziriteSOG: what's more important is for me to get my life back in line with God
HisPassionSeekR: and how are you going about doing that?
naziriteSOG: whether that's gonna be at Biola or whereever
naziriteSOG: i know there are some sacrifices i need to make in terms of where i spend my time and the things i hold on to
naziriteSOG: i may have just hit the wall academically a few weeks ago
naziriteSOG: but ive been hitting a wall spiritually for over a year
naziriteSOG: the whole time at the conference though the speaker was great and the music was great and there was all sorts of nice stuff going on
naziriteSOG: for me it was like...nothing
naziriteSOG: but God did plant a little something in my head
naziriteSOG: that the reason i don't feel His presence is that i don't know what His presence feels like
naziriteSOG: and that's something i need to find in my own time with Him
naziriteSOG: and im sorry but i cant be concerned with anything else more than i am concerned with that
HisPassionSeekR: well then i hope you take the steps to sacrifice what you need to and to spend that time finding Him
HisPassionSeekR: if He told you that much, it means He's looking for you
naziriteSOG: i mean can you imagine that? how long have I been going to church? how many emotional and spirtual experiences have i had? how much have i done and served?
naziriteSOG: but i dont KNOW Him
naziriteSOG: i don't really know Him
HisPassionSeekR: it's not so uncommon
HisPassionSeekR: but i really hope that you will use this realization and get to know Him
HisPassionSeekR: as much as we are able to know Him at least
naziriteSOG: and i dunno...maybe that fact should have broken my heart at the conference and left me a sobbing mess
naziriteSOG: but i guess its just dawning on me now that that's everything He was saying to me this weekend
naziriteSOG: even though i got glimpses of it before
naziriteSOG: and maybe my heart's just become so hardened that it's taking a long time for this little message to seep through
HisPassionSeekR: i think it has... listening to you talk
HisPassionSeekR: not just now, but the past year
HisPassionSeekR: nothing He said was moving you, nothing around you was really moving you
naziriteSOG: i dunno
naziriteSOG: i feel like for a long time now ive had this wall up
naziriteSOG: and ive been stading in the wind and the waves
naziriteSOG: and theyve been hitting this wall
naziriteSOG: and its just enough to sway me
naziriteSOG: to shake this little building ive put up a bit
naziriteSOG: but nothing's getting through
naziriteSOG: and the walls have to come down
naziriteSOG: and its not gonna be a big powerful conference experience thats gonna tear them all down at once
HisPassionSeekR: no it's not
naziriteSOG: but God wants to remove it brick by brick
HisPassionSeekR: ok
HisPassionSeekR: so what does that mean?
HisPassionSeekR: does that mean you just sit back and let God do that?
HisPassionSeekR: or are you going to seek Him and cooperate a little
HisPassionSeekR: allow Him to come in
naziriteSOG: no, it means this is gonna take a while
naziriteSOG: and the first thing is for me to let him
naziriteSOG: to want him to
naziriteSOG: and i dont even know if im at that place yet
HisPassionSeekR: ben, if you're not, then He just might try to tear it away all at once... and teach you the hard way, have you thought of that
HisPassionSeekR: with what may happen once you find out your grades
naziriteSOG: yeah
naziriteSOG: i know
HisPassionSeekR: i mean this has happened so many times now, and it seems as though you haven't come up from under it
naziriteSOG: i guess we'll see
HisPassionSeekR: i pray for grace, for all of our sakes.... but i pray that He would also get your attention somehow
naziriteSOG: yeah...well i know that probably wont be pleasant
naziriteSOG: maybe he'll be able to do it the nice and easy way if i can start disciplining myself to really start spending time with him
HisPassionSeekR: well mom and i are still hoping for the best.. that God will be merciful and show you favor
naziriteSOG: but it may take me hitting the bottom
HisPassionSeekR: do you really want to learn that way?
naziriteSOG: do i want to? of course not
HisPassionSeekR: i thought that the bottom was already hit
HisPassionSeekR: well, then spend that time with Him
HisPassionSeekR: take those steps
naziriteSOG: oh, theres always another bottom
HisPassionSeekR: come before Him and surrender your life
HisPassionSeekR: not just in the "oh well it's out of my hands" kind of way, but to really take responsibility and be faithful in where He has you
naziriteSOG: ive heard those words so many times theyve lost all meaning
naziriteSOG: i dont need the cliches, i just gotta do it now
naziriteSOG: and by now i mean right now
naziriteSOG: i think He's trying to tell me something
naziriteSOG: and i gotta go listen
naziriteSOG: ttyl
and so at that point, that's what i did. i went and had a nice little God time. nothing earth-shattering but i got in some good prayer and spent some good time in the Word. and while it doesn't seem like much, it was the first time in a very long time that i've really sat down and spent time like that with God. and before i knew it almost an hour had passed and i found that it wasn't hard. i just stopped doing what i was doing and spent some time with God. it was really quite easy. and that's what i need to keep doing. that's how God will break down the walls i've built up. that's how i will learn to hear His voice and grow to trust Him. and that's how the rest of my life will work out. so pray for me and keep me accountable please. because i really would rather learn this way then hit the bottom and learn the hard way.
george w. bush quotes in chronogical order:
Sep 1999 In an interview in Talk magazine, presidential candidate George W Bush declares: "They think it's like a high school election, where if you beat up your opponent enough, you can win. They've lost their *beep* minds."
Sep 1999 In an interview in Talk magazine, presidential candidate George W Bush declares: "I don't care. I really don't care. Does anyone ever say '*beep* you'? I don't care if they do."
2 Dec 1999 During a debate in New Hampshire, presidential candidate George W Bush declares: "If I found in any way, shape or form that he (Saddam Hussein) was developing weapons of mass destruction, I'd take 'em out. I'm surprised he's still there." Asked if that meant he would overthrow Saddam, Bush clarified: "The weapons of mass destruction."
11 Jan 2000 George W Bush, making an indisputable statement of fact: "Rarely is the question asked: 'Is our children learning?'"
12 Mar 2000 George W Bush and his wife Laura are photographed with Sami Al-Arian, during a campaign stop at the Florida Strawberry Festival.
27 Apr 2000 Texas Governor George W. Bush discusses the Elian Gonzales case with Jim Lehrer.
LEHRER: Five days later, do you still feel the Justice Department did the wrong thing in reuniting Elian Gonzalez with his father?
BUSH: I do.
LEHRER: Why?
BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper, it just seems so un-American to me. The picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there... I talked to my little brother, Jeb -- I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of -- I shouldn't call him my little brother -- my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas...
LEHRER: Florida.
BUSH: Florida. The state of the Florida.
31 May 2000 An introspective George W Bush: "When I'm talking about -- when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."
Aug 2000 George W Bush: "I don't know whether I'm going to win or not. I think I am. I do know I'm ready for the job. And, if not, that's just the way it goes."
4 Sep 2000 During a campaign stop in Naperville, Illinois, Presidential candidate George W Bush turns to running mate Dick Cheney and says, "There's Adam Clymer, major league *beep* from the New York Times." Cheney responds, "Oh yeah, he is, big-time." Unbeknownst to the men, their comments are transmitted clearly to the television news feed. Rather than offer a mea culpa to Clymer, Bush later issues this non-apology: "I regret that a private comment I made to the vice-presidential candidate made it onto the public airwaves. I regret everybody heard what I said."
29 Sep 2000 George W Bush: "I know the human being and the fish can coexist peacefully."
3 Oct 2000 George W Bush: "There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.'"
4 Oct 2000 George W Bush: "I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."
18 Oct 2000 George W Bush: "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
2 Nov 2000 "There's a report out tonight that 24-years ago I was apprehended in Kennebunkport, Maine, for a DUI. That's an accurate story. I'm not proud of that. I oftentimes said that years ago I made some mistakes. I occasionally drank too much and I did on that night. I was pulled over. I admitted to the policeman that I had been drinking. I paid a fine. And I regret that it happened. But it did. I've learned my lesson." Note that Bush, as Governor of Texas, subsequently signed zero tolerance drunk driving legislation, effectively prohibiting others from "learning their lesson" as he did.
Dec 2000 thefirsttwins.com launched.
18 Dec 2000 George W Bush, still waiting on the Florida recount: "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier... just so long as I'm the dictator."
22 Feb 2001 During his first press conference, President George W Bush declares: "The Secretary of State is going to go listen to our allies as to how best to effect a policy, the primary goal of which will be to say to Saddam Hussein: we won't tolerate you developing weapons of mass destruction and we expect you to leave your neighbors alone."
17 Jun 2001 Japanese Foreign Minister Makiko Tanaka returns to German Town High School in Philadelphia, where she studied for two years as a high school student. During a conversation with her former classmates, Tanaka gives her concise assessment of President George W Bush: "He is totally an *beep*."
7 Aug 2001 President George W Bush declares: "He's (Saddam Hussein) been a menace forever, and we will do -- he needs to open his country up for inspection, so we can see whether or not he's developing weapons of mass destruction."
13 Jan 2002 While watching a football game on TV, President George W Bush chokes on a pretzel and briefly loses consciousness in his White House bedroom.
19 May 2002 "Do you have blacks too?" Question posed by Bush to Brazilian President Fernando Henrique Cardoso. Der Spiegel, also quoted in The New Republic on June 10.
Aug 2002 During an interview with journalist-author Bob Woodard, President George W Bush declares: "I loathe Kim Jong Il. I've got a visceral reaction to this guy, because he is starving his people. And I have seen intelligence of these prison camps -- they're huge -- that he uses to break up families and to torture people. It appalls me."
17 Sep 2002 George W Bush: "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again."
26 Sep 2002 President George W Bush explains to a Texas audience that although Saddam Hussein poses a threat to many countries, America has first dibs. "There's no doubt his hatred is mainly directed at us. There's no doubt he can't stand us. After all, this is the guy that tried to kill my dad at one time."
7 Oct 2002 "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." The New Republic
7 Oct 2002 During a speech in Cincinnati, President George W Bush declares: "Iraq could decide on any given day to provide a biological or chemical weapon to a terrorist group or individual terrorists."
14 Oct 2002 During a speech in Dearborn, Michigan, President George W Bush declares that Saddam Hussein maintains active ties to al Qaeda: "This is a man that we know has had connections with al Qaeda. This is a man who, in my judgment, would like to use al Qaeda as a forward army."
7 Nov 2002 During a press conference, President George W Bush declares: "Some people say, 'Oh, we must leave Saddam alone, otherwise, if we did something against him, he might attack us.' Well, if we don't do something he might attack us, and he might attack us with a more serious weapon. The man is a threat... He's a threat because he is dealing with al Qaeda... And we're going to deal with him."
27 Nov 2002 President George W Bush appoints Henry Kissinger to head the national commission investigating the World Trade Center attacks of 9-11. Kissinger is later forced to withdraw once it is realized exactly how much conflict of interest he has accumulated in the last several years of consultation work.
8 Feb 2003 During a radio address, President George W Bush declares: "We have sources that tell us that Saddam Hussein recently authorized Iraqi field commanders to use chemical weapons - the very weapons the dictator tells us he does not have."
6 Mar 2003 During his second press conference in two years, President George W Bush declares: "Saddam Hussein and his weapons are a direct threat to this country, to our people, and to all free people.... I will not leave the American people at the mercy of the Iraqi dictator and his weapons."
17 Mar 2003 During an address to the nation, President George W Bush declares: "We cannot live under the threat of blackmail. The terrorist threat to America and the world will be diminished the moment that Saddam Hussein is disarmed."
17 Mar 2003 During an address to the nation, President George W Bush declares: "Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised."
19 Mar 2003 During an address to the nation, President George W Bush declares: "The people of the United States and our friends and allies will not live at the mercy of an outlaw regime that threatens the peace with weapons of mass murder."
10 Apr 2003 In a message to the Iraqi people, President George W Bush declares: "The goals of our coalition are clear and limited. We will end a brutal regime, whose aggression and weapons of mass destruction make it a unique threat to the world."
24 Apr 2003 President George W Bush declares: "We are learning more as we interrogate or have discussions with Iraqi scientists and people within the Iraqi structure, that perhaps he destroyed some, perhaps he dispersed some. And so we will find them."
30 May 2003 President George W Bush remarks on Polish TV: "We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories... we’ve so far discovered two. And we’ll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven’t found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they’re wrong, we found them."
17 Sep 2003 President George W Bush: "No, we've had no evidence that Saddam Hussein was involved with September the 11th."
7 Oct 2003 President George W Bush, regarding the leak of CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity to Robert Novak: "I don't know if we're going to find out the senior administration official. I don't have any idea."
9 Oct 2003 G. Gordon Liddy on President George W Bush's attitude toward the Valerie Plame scandal: "I don't think he wants to find out who did the leaking."
14 Oct 2003 According to a story in the Philadelphia Inquirer quoting an unnamed senior administration official, President George W Bush tells his senior aides that he "didn't want to see any stories" quoting unnamed administration officials.
24 Mar 2004 At the annual Radio and Television News Correspondents Association dinner, President George W Bush shows slides of himself searching clumsily behind furniture in the Oval Office, joking: "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere ... nope, no weapons over there ... maybe under here?"
13 Apr 2004 During his third press conference in three years, President George W Bush flounders when asked whether he has made any mistakes in office. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I can plan for it. Uh... [...] You know, I just, uh... I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet. I, uh... [...] I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and -- maybe I'm not quick, as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one."
...have been my posts as of late.
but i just wanted to wait long enough for the fair-weather readers to fade away so i could see who my true followers are. yeah.
i cut my hair again today. no parental threats needed this time, i actually did it of my own volition. imagine that. i just wanted to get it trimmed, but wound up getting it cut fairly short. i figure with angela's wedding next week i can't have my hair all long and wild with a suit. so i cut it today, which gives it a little over a week to grow out a bit more, since it always looks totally dopey after it's first cut. i do miss my hair though. short hair is so damn boring. but it's kinda nice in the hot weather. oh well, it'll be back in a month or 2.
ok, i've run out of things to say so i'll just do the survey that's been floating around on everyone else's blogs. i'd like to take the time to think up witty and interesting answers to each question, but i won't. i hate these things. i don't know why i'm even doing it. now that my hair's gone i guess i gotta be a part of the masses again.
Of your friends, which is the...
[best] never really had a best friend. always been close to stephen, though i haven't talked with him in a long while. i spend a lot of time with eric, and i'd say yip is kinda a kindred spirit.
[funniest] leon...but in a punny sort of way.
[prettiest] jon yip.
[smartest] john kua or shirley.
[craziest] leedah
[most likely succeed] kua's got the brains to go far, yip's got the talent.
[the one that hangs with you most] lately, probably eric.
[flirtiest] me.
[quietest] jeffrey wei from back in the day. wonder what happened to that guy?
[weirdest] jing
[blondest] leslie, whom i haven't seen in a long time. probably because...
[the one that lives farthest] leslie in dc.
[the one that lives closest] leon.
Of the future...
[do you want to get married] sure
[if so, what age would you like to be married] when she says yes.
[who will you marry] wouldn't you like to know?
[what do you want to do when you grow up] be a kid again.
[where will you live] canada or australia. but i'll probably stay in the bay area. unless i'm a famous movie star/musician living in LA or NY. yeah.
[do you want to have kids] absolutely.
[if so, how many] 26
[what would you name them] tiffany, heather, cody, dylan, dermot, jordan, taylor, britanny, wesley, rumor, scout, cassidy, zo, cloe, max, hunter, kendall, caitlyn, noah, sascha, morgan, kiera, ian, lauren, qbert, bill (c'mon kids, we're having dinner tonight!) ~bonus points to anyone who can tell me where this is from
Of this or that...
[coke/pepsi] neither. cola is of the devil.
[pen/pencil] neither. writing is of the devil.
[vanilla/chocolate] neither. flavor is of the devil.
[hug/kiss] neither. physical contact is of the devil.
[lights on/off] on at night. off during the day. duh.
[dark/light] dark like your soul!!!
[rose/lily] flowers are of the devil.
[dr pepper/mountain dew] dew. mmm...yellow 5.
[mcdonalds/burger king] ick.
[sandals/shoes] love my sandals in warm weather.
[*nsync/bsb] of the devil.
[britney/christina] of the deviiiilllll (but christina can actually sing)
[justin timberlake/nick carter] DEVIL! DEVIL I SAY!
[cd/tape] mp3
[phone/computer] if you know me, you know this already.
[skittles/m'n'm's] chocolate covered skittles. mmm...disgusting.
[rich and unhappy/poor and happy] how about rich and happy?
Of favorites...
[color] i like white people.
[food] sushi.
[movie] lots. but Le Fabuleux Destin D'Amelie Poulain is my happy movie.
[tv show] simpsons. daily show with john stewart. csi.
[beverage] the blood of the innocents. um...i mean orange juice.
[alcoholic beverage] something light and fruity...like meeee!
[subject] anything where i get to stick it to The Man.
[teacher] Mrs. Childs, my 10th and 12th grade english teacher.
[radio station] 91.1 KCSM, 105.3
[flower] the karvy flower which blooms only once every 8 years.
[book] the book of life in which my name is written.
[day of the week] sunday
[holiday] you mean which contrived, corporate, money-sucking capitalst celebration do i like the most? mmm...bastille day.
[sport] hockey. duh.
[fast food] in n out.
[color to wear] black
[ice cream flavor] Ben & Jerry's Half Baked.
Of other questions...
[do you think you will ever get your dream car] no.
[do you drink] no.
[do you smoke] no.
[do you cuss] only to myself.
[do you consider yourself attractive?] i am the antithesis of everything popular society portrays as an attractive male...i'm freakin' beautiful!
[do you consider yourself a nice girl/boy] i am a nice girl.
[do you have a cd burner] yes. it's called a lighter and it burns the cd's quite nicely.
[what did you do yesterday] school.
[what did you do today] school.
[what are you doing tomorrow] school. (i need to get a life)
[what are you doing this weekend] church.
[what did you do last weekend] comedy sportz, nation ball, and denny's with old high school buddies; church followed by angela's wedding shower.
[what are you gonna do when this is over] post this on my blog.
[thing you ate] animal crackers (courtesy of cindy).
[thing you drank] the essence of life.
[song you heard] "Night in Tunisia" by Bobby McFarrin.
[show you watched] none.
[thing you said] aww good puppy puppy boo boo boo.
[person you saw] saw both of the kua's at school today.
[person who called you] nobody ever calls me.
[person you called] me? call someone? hah!
[person you hugged] my dog.
[last car you rode in] mine.
done and done.