October 26, 2004
Politik
Personal and Political, Bush's Faith Blurs Lines
now i know some of you consider the new york times to be nothing but left-wing propaganda, and this article admittedly has a liberal agenda and is somewhat flawed, but it brings up some interesting issues regarding bush's record as a man of faith. while he has done much to further the christian agenda in this country, articles like this just prove to me more and more that politicians use religion more as a tool to gain support than as a personal faith. don't think that anything bush says or does regarding the matter hasn't been carefully coordinated by his campaign staff in order to garner certain reactions. he's trying to maintain the conservative christian vote while leaning enough towards moderates to win some of them over. it's nothing but politics.
i've submitted my absentee ballot and i didn't vote for bush or kerry. whoever wins i'll pray for God's wisdom and sovereign providence over them, but this is one battle i'm staying out of.
edit: yesterday was the one year anniversary of this blog. looking back, i've said a whole lot of crap, and very little of it has mattered at all.
October 23, 2004
Addendum
give me a man of integrity and character to vote for and i will vote for him.
neither bush nor kerry are that man.
October 22, 2004
God is not a Republican. Or a Democrat.
we've got an election coming up and i have yet to stir up any political controversy so here we go...
sojourners is a christian socio-political organization/magazine that seeks to analyze politics from outside of the republican/christian-conservative viewpoint and take a Biblical stance on things in contrast to a partisan one. i think they're actually fairly left-leaning, but so am i so i like them.
they say it so much better than i ever could, so i'm just gonna copy and paste some text here.
"It is the responsibility of every political conservative, every evangelical Christian, every pro-life Catholic, every traditional Jew...to get serious about re-electing President Bush."
- Jerry Falwell, The New York Times, July 16, 2004
"I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election in 2004. The Lord has just blessed him.... It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or bad."
- Pat Robertson, AP/Fox News, January 2, 2004
These leaders of the Religious Right mistakenly claim that God has taken a side in this election, and that Christians should only vote for George W. Bush.
We believe that claims of divine appointment for the President, uncritical affirmation of his policies, and assertions that all Christians must vote for his re-election constitute bad theology and dangerous religion.
We believe that sincere Christians and other people of faith can choose to vote for President Bush or Senator Kerry - for reasons deeply rooted in their faith.
We believe all candidates should be examined by measuring their policies against the complete range of Christian ethics and values.
We will measure the candidates by whether they enhance human life, human dignity, and human rights; whether they strengthen family life and protect children; whether they promote racial reconciliation and support gender equality; whether they serve peace and social justice; and whether they advance the common good rather than only individual, national, and special interests.
We also admonish both parties and candidates to avoid the exploitation of religion or our congregations for partisan political purposes.
By signing this statement, we call Christians and other people of faith to a more thoughtful involvement in this election, rather than claiming God's endorsement of any candidate.
This is the meaning of responsible Christian citizenship.
October 13, 2004
Toys
speaking of selfish desires...
in case you didn't know, my delay pedal died on me a little while ago. this is devastating for me because i've come to rely on that effect as an integral part of my sound. as a replacement i've been looking at the line 6 modelers, but they're prohibitively expensive at $250. especially since to complete my rig i would want both a delay modeler and a modulation modeler, plus a few other individual effects, which would come out to well over $500. so, i considered getting a POD like grant and troy have which would give me all the sounds i need for less money, but i figured to use it effectively live i'd have to get a foot controller too, which would bring the total cost to around $700, and thats a whole lot of money. but today i stumbled upon something that may solve my dilemma...
it takes all the technology of the POD and builds it into a floorboard. it's still $400, but it's a feasible solution (in the future) for my effects needs. it's time for ben to start saving up the pennies.
Thoughts From the Shower Vol. 4
if i pray for something persistently because i know (or believe) that it is right, but in my heart i really don't want it, does God still grant that prayer? or is it like martin luther says and God always answers my prayer with either what i ask for, or something better than what i asked. of course, what is better is in His eyes, not my own, so i may not even be able to see or conceive of it. but if something is so constantly on my mind that it has become a distraction to me, it would surely be better for me to clear my mind of it even if i didn't really want to, right? surely it would be more beneficial to follow my mind over my heart in this case. after all, what i want is rarely what is best due to my selfish, sinful nature, so it must be that it is more beneficial to suppress those desires.
or could God possibly be so wise and loving that He has a solution that is so much better than anything i could imagine?
i think He may just be.
October 11, 2004
New
i'm gonna change the format of this blog somewhat. this site will pretty much remain the same with my rants, thoughts, and details from my life (the things i choose to tell you, at least). poems, songs, and other random nonsensical stuff (like the last post) will be going on my xanga. i figured it's about time i started using it for something.
October 10, 2004
I Should Know Better
what have i done
how do i turn back
when i've gone
too far
too fast
i'm more problem
than solution
for more than
just myself
and i wish i just could
clear my mind
but really
i don't wish it
at all
i'm in over my head
and maybe said
too much
and i can't go back
though there may be
no road ahead
October 01, 2004
Thoughts From the Shower Vol. 3
why am i on the topic of relationships yet AGAIN? must be this damned biola atmosphere. Bridal Institute Of Los Angeles, indeed.
and why am i writing these personal things on my blog where anyone can pop in and read them? i don't know. i must be crazy or stoopid or something. just take it as my dedication to keeping you, my readers, entertained.
i think people get the sense that, since my stance on relationships is to avoid them and i'm comfortable with this gay guy friend thing i've got going, i'm never attracted to any girls and it's oh so easy for me to just look at girls as sisters. that, of course, is not true. as pseudo-gay as i may be, i am still a guy, and i deal with the same emotions that all guys do. and so yes, i have found myself liking girls in the past. so why have i never pursued a relationship then? is it just because i've always been to sissy to approach the girl or i'm a blithering idiot who doesn't know what he's doing? maybe. i mean, the whole "no dating" thing was a no brainer in high school, but how and why have i maintained it throughout college and even now to the ripe old age of 21? my answer in the past has always been that it's because i'm not ready. while this is true and i do recognize many things in myself that need to be be worked on before i can carry out a healthy, Godly relationship, what is also true sometimes is that, not only am i not ready, but "the girl" (sorry, you're not getting anything more specific than that), isn't ready for me. say, for example, she already has a boyfriend. like i've mentioned before, i could never come to like a girl unless i was already close friends with her, so in this case i often become a confidant in matters regarding their relationships. and i don't take this lightly, so i have to choose to act as a friend and brother, putting aside my own feelings.
so why don't i ever reveal my feelings to "the girl?" well, as i see it, one of two things can happen. first, she shares my feelings (which i have never even dared to dream of in any case), and breaks up with her boyfriend for me. i would never do this. i am strongly in favor of maintaining your commitment in almost any circumstance. the only time i ever recommend breakup to a friend is in cases of abuse, adultery, or total assholism (in which case you probably shouldn't have been in that relationship in the first place). so i refuse to be the guy who comes in between two people in a relationship. i don't think it's right and i just won't do it. second scenario, she doesn't share my feelings and it messes up a good relationship which i value highly. "maybe you can do this without messing up the friendship," you might say. well, there has only one instance in my life where a close friend has told me she liked me and we were able to move on without it becoming awkward (and even then, we had to get through an awkward period). every other time, it changes something in the relationship. so what do i do then? what i always do, i back off and, in God's strength and provision, try to think and act as a brother and friend towards "the girl" until something either changes with me or with her.
and there you have it ladies and gents, ben's (not so) simple formula to being the gay guy friend who hasn't been in a relationship in his life. yay. it's not a road i'd recommend for everyone (cuz it can be frickin' hard), but it's the path i've chosen to walk, and i know that God will be faithful and fulfill my desires in His time. again i'm wondering why i just wrote all this in my blog. maybe i won't even post it...ehhh. whatever. but if you want to ask me what's making me think about all this or who "the girls" have been, don't bother, cuz you won't get an answer.